Things going through my mind

So as you all know I am having a Tubal Ligation done Feb 10th.. Well I am not as nervous about it anymore as I was before my preop which is good :) It's just hard for me when I think about it because I am basically castrating myself, but it's for a good reason.. I just worry that after I have this done things will change for John and I.. I know he loves me and that he always will, I don't know I just I will feel like less of a woman because now I can't have anymore kids with or without the surgery.. John only wants 2 kids which we have and they are both our miracle babies and we love them dearly. I always wanted 3 kids but it's ok thhat I don't have one more, it's not like I won't have options to have another :) I fell like everyone will look at me differently after my surgery and that things will change with everyone ;( I know that my friends understand why I am doing this but still it makes me think, what if they see me differently afterwards and things get akward??

I usually don't give a damn about what people think of me so I don't know why I would let these thoughts run through my head but they do.. When I think about my surgery I cry because I always wanted to give my dad a grandson and now I can't.. My dad understands why I am doing this but at the same time I wonder if he'll we be hurt a little because I can't give him a grandson..

I haven't really had any family be supportive and I say this when I have sent out emails about me getting this done noone replies or calls asking me why or are you sure or we're here if you need us.. It just makes me wonder if they even care.

All I really want is support from everyone, I need to know that they care, but I am not going to force anyone to I just hope that they do. I know all this worry may sound stupid but it's there just floating around in my head :(

Sorry if this sounds all down and depressing, you don't have to say anything about all of this I just wanted to get it out of my head..

I did want to Thank Everyone who has been there for me and still is :)