A little update on us :)

Things are going pretty good :) I am slowly working on losing 50lbs and John has been trying to help me out with a diet and exercise, which has not been easy for me lol I don't like having to watch my calorie intake and such.. I want to try and start going to the gym shortly after John gets up and doing my cardio :) I still have workouts I can do at  home but this way I can also get a break for about 45min :) 


My surgery is coming up and it's getting easier accepting the fact I can't have anymore babies but still it hurts a little and I am sure it will for a while but it's good that I have friends who know what I am going through and can help me cope with it all :) It also helps that I do have both my miracle babies that keep me company and occupied even if they aren't the best conversationalists lol My dad is coming up for it to help out for a few days and that will be nice not only because of the help but because we get to see him again!! Ekko loves her papa :) 


Ekko is getting better with her alphabet :) I have been working with her on it.. between her alphabet magnets on the fridge and her Leap Frog My First Spelling Bee Cards she is getting the hang of it, she still gets her n's and u's mixed up but we're working on that too :) We're also working with her on her speech trying to help her be able to pronounce words and sentences better :) She's doing pretty good with that too, although sometimes she gets too excited and gets things mixed up lol


Ailynne is doing good, just got her switched to Prosobee formula to hopefully help her tummy out a little.. she doesn't have AR but still her tummy seems to get upset sometimes with gas and such.. She keeps trying to roll from her back to belly :) She has rolling from her belly to back down lol She's trying to get the hang of eating baby food down although she ends up wearing most of it lol She talks like crazy and is all around a happy baby :) 


Other than that not much really new going on, just wanted to update :) Hope everyone has an awesome rest of the week and an awesome weekend :)

I understand and it's ok :)

I have started over with a clean slate for everyone this year trying to make old friendships stronger.. In my ventures of trying to do so it has pushed some people in my life away. I can understand that noone wants to get hurt or go through the things they went through once already. I myself don't want to be hurt again, I also am learning that holding grudges and closing up will only bring more stress into my life. I am going with the flow and hoping that wherever life brings me is an adventure.. Life has so much to offer and teach us, we just have to be open minded and open hearted to change :) Sure there will be bumps along that road but where would we be if we let all the bumps stop us from continuing down life's road. Stop and smell the roses, enjoy the scenery, and just take it all in, every little detail. Memories last forever and you don't want to miss a thing :) you never know when it's your time and don't want to have regrets of things you wished you would've done. 


We are only human and we all make mistakes. That's part of life, even though you can choose which path to take, just take a random path and see where it takes you.. you can leave bread crumbs to find your way back :) Nothing is permanent unless you make it so. If you find yourself feeling out of sorts or lost just remember who you are and where you come from, keep faith that you will know how to find your way back.. 


I have been trying to sort things out in my life myself and I have come to the conclusion that if any of my friends are reevaluating their lives then when you find where you want to be if I am not a part of that new beginning then that's ok, I hold no grudges nor will I think any different of you. We all have to find where we belong and it doesn't always include those who we thought would be a part of that with us. It's the experiences that we will always keep with us and the memories, good and bad. I do love all of my friends no matter where your path leads, I will always remember the good times we had and wish nothing but the best and all the happiness in the world for you and your families :) 


If you find that you think my post is a bunch of bull then that's ok too, I am just writing my feelings and want everyone to know that my intentions are good whether they are taken that way or not is a whole other story but this is my sincere thoughts and feelings and I hope you can see where I am coming from and understand I never meant to cause any problems, I am sorry if that's what it came out to be but that was not my intention. 

Oh so tired but feels so good

John and I have been slowly working on going through all of our clothes and getting them together to take to the AA to donate for those who really need them :) I have been getting all my maternity clothes together to take pics of to see if any of my pregger wives could use them before they go to the AA :) I have to go through Ailynne's clothes and put off to the side everything she has outgrown so that when I find out what my wives are having, if they are having girls I can donate those baby clothes to them :)

Monday I am starting to hardcore workout!! Got 50lbs to lose and I am not backing down!! I know it will take time as having a baby does a lot to your body and you need to take it easy and get back into the swing of things :)

I am so tired with doing everything around here and basically taking care of the girls by myself.. Not saying anything bad against John, he works nights so he can't really do much during the day.. It will be nice when he goes back to days for a little bit so I can actually have a day on the weekend where I can sleep in :) Ailynne has been waking up around 7a every morning for the past week or so and it's kicking my ass lol She still takes her 2-3naps a day so I get some rest time myself ;) She's growing so fast :) Still hates tummy time but I make her do it any way lol her teething pain has gone down some but she's still drooling like a st. bernard lol

Ekko's tummy is slowly going back to normal ;) Her sinus infection is gone :) She has been hungry and thirsty a lot lately, which is getting kinda crazy but she's a growing girl and needs to eat like a football player LOL She loves her dance class, which we missed last night cause of weather and I didn't feel comfortable going down DD in this weather.. Hopefully we'll have a referral soon for her to see the speech therapist and see if she needs the extra help getting caught up on her speech.. which if she does will bump her up tremendously on the headstart list :)

Well that's all for now.. I am going to head off here and figure out whats for dinner and wake Ekko up from her nap ;)

Things going through my mind

So as you all know I am having a Tubal Ligation done Feb 10th.. Well I am not as nervous about it anymore as I was before my preop which is good :) It's just hard for me when I think about it because I am basically castrating myself, but it's for a good reason.. I just worry that after I have this done things will change for John and I.. I know he loves me and that he always will, I don't know I just I will feel like less of a woman because now I can't have anymore kids with or without the surgery.. John only wants 2 kids which we have and they are both our miracle babies and we love them dearly. I always wanted 3 kids but it's ok thhat I don't have one more, it's not like I won't have options to have another :) I fell like everyone will look at me differently after my surgery and that things will change with everyone ;( I know that my friends understand why I am doing this but still it makes me think, what if they see me differently afterwards and things get akward??

I usually don't give a damn about what people think of me so I don't know why I would let these thoughts run through my head but they do.. When I think about my surgery I cry because I always wanted to give my dad a grandson and now I can't.. My dad understands why I am doing this but at the same time I wonder if he'll we be hurt a little because I can't give him a grandson..

I haven't really had any family be supportive and I say this when I have sent out emails about me getting this done noone replies or calls asking me why or are you sure or we're here if you need us.. It just makes me wonder if they even care.

All I really want is support from everyone, I need to know that they care, but I am not going to force anyone to I just hope that they do. I know all this worry may sound stupid but it's there just floating around in my head :(

Sorry if this sounds all down and depressing, you don't have to say anything about all of this I just wanted to get it out of my head..

I did want to Thank Everyone who has been there for me and still is :)

Making Changes

Welcome 2011!!

I will be making some changes in my life.. First off I plan to lose 50lbs, no timeline set because I know it takes time... Second I will be getting my tubes ties, it was a very difficult decision to make and it's necessary. Third I am going to be a lot more cautious as to who I let into my life. I have been burned in the past year and I don't want it to happen again anytime soon. I want my current friendships to thrive and grow, to make new healthy friendships, and to no longer feel like I am just here out of convenience for some people.

Ekko is 4yrs old and definetly acts like it lol. She's growing up so fast :) I hope to get her in Head Start this year. She is loving her dance classes and there will be a recital in June and I can't wait to see what she's learned :) Ekko has shown more interest in reading now than before which is great! She started getting into dress up and more girlie things but she still has her tomboy side :)

Ailynne started the new year 4mon old! Pretty soon she'll be crawling, then walking, and after that there will be extra craziness here lol.. She's talking so much more now, showing interest in her rattles and other baby toys :) She can roll from her belly to her back but we're still working on back to belly :) Ailynne is  smiles 95% of the time and giggles a lot too :) She is such a happy baby :)

I got to experience some really great things this past year and some bad things.. I made some new friends, lost friends, I got to be there for one of my friends when she had her son :) That was the most beautiful and awesome thing I have ever seen!!

So I welcome 2011 and hope everyone has an awesome year!!