Wide awake

So it's 2am an the hubs and I have been wide awake for about an hour or so lol This is why we don't go to bed early haha but it's ok cause yesterday we celebrated being married for 8yrs!!! I know it's been forever :) I can't wait to spend many. may, many more years with him!! He is my soul mate and I love him with all my heart and soul.. He gets me and always knows when somethings wrong whether it be emotionally or physically..

I am so excited for Christmas this year!! I can't wait for the girls to be able to open all their gifts from everyone!! Ekko keeps bugging me about when she gets to open hers lol I miss how innocent and amazing being a child is.. Their biggest worry is what to play with at any given moment and they have the biggest imaginations ever!!

We are slowly helping one of besties move into their new house!! I am so excited for them :) They have been going through a battle with the realty people who have been not doing very good at their job, but the owner is working with them :)

Not much to update on us, not much is really different or new with us lol same ol same ol :) I hope everyone has an awesome night and I may or may not Blog again before Christmas but we shall see lol

Rough Day

So today has been a little rough.. Ekko is being very defiant and not listening :( But it's ok cause we are still working with her.. She has manners and uses them but goes against what we tell her to do.. She has ADD and ODD so we see a therapist for her that specializes in those things to help her.. She starts her last semester of Pre-K January 24th and then starts Kindergarten in August :) I can't believe my baby is going to start kindergarten soon!!! I just hope we can get her more calm and focused before she starts school..

Ailynne is cutting at least 4 teeth right now so she's extra whiny lol I feel so bad for them when they're teething.. My incredibly shrinking baby as I like to call her lol Since she's been walking she's 18mon for tops cause of her long torso and 12mon on the bottom for her tiny waist lol She's tall and skinny just like her daddy :)

Other than them being whiny and defiant, my day has been pretty good ;P Helped Mandy with the first load of things to move to her new house and still have a lot to go but we are getting it done as we can with 4 kids :) When we have the chance Matthew watches them while she and I go and load up and unload and unpack what we took over :) I am so happy for them to be able to have their own home :) I can't wait to see it all set up :)

Seeing how we are going to stay here a bit longer I think I am going to try and think of how I really want my house set up and decorated and get more pictures on the walls and such :) I want to find a few toy boxes, 1 for downstairs, 1 for Ailynne's Room and 1 for Ekko's room :) We will be getting Ailynne a toddler bed in the next couple of months and getting rid of the crib!!! I can't believe my baby baby is already ready for a toddler bed!! We will be slowly working on potty training her within the next couple of months as well, as she is starting to take her diapers off more and more..

Well that's all for now :) I am going to hang out with Mandy and Matthew, watch some House and relax till time to head home for the night :) Nighty Night and Sweet Dreams Everyone!!!

Decisions, decisions, decisions

So as most of you know I have recently become Christian again :) Well I will be getting baptized this Sunday!!!! I know it's soon but I am ready for this... I have been praying a lot for lots of different things and I have been shown some of the path I am to be going down :)

More news.... Instead of trying to PCS out of here, we are going to stay for a while longer before we try to go back overseas!!! I know who would have thought I would be saying this.. We have come to know many awesome people here and don't really want to lose that.. One of my best friends, Mandy, lives here and she and I have been through a lot in the past year.. We have come over a lot of things and it has brought us really close together!! I have quite a few best friends who I can't live without!!

I have been slowly trying to get things worked out with a few old friends trying to start over and make it work :) Life is too short and I don't want to miss out on anything God has in store for me by being blind to what's already in front of me :)

Well that's it for now, just thought I would give a little update :)

A new outlook

SO it has been a long time since I last blogged, and I am sorry for that.. But my life is pretty routine lately lol As far as my hubs and I go, we are great!! We will be celebrating 8yrs of being married December 20th!!! I can't believe it's been 8yrs, I still feel so grateful to have the most amazing husband a girl could ask for :) I am more in love with him than when I first fell in love with him, he has been an amazing father to our daughters and amazing to me..

Ekko is spending some time with her Papa :) We actually meet up with my dad to get her back on the 10th!! I have missed her so much!! She has gotten an early gift from Santa, which is a new bicycle lol Dad has spoiled her rotten but hey that's what Grandparents are supposed to do :)

Ailynne is getting so big!! Her vocabulary is building so quickly lol She can say mama, dada, papa, soda, doo doo(LMAO) and several other words.. She is so silly and has such a bright personality, don't get me wrong she's a girl so she is dramatic at times too lol

I do have a big announcement to make though :) As most of you know I have been Wiccan for 8yrs and have been thinking a lot and have made the decision to become Christian again and have been saved!! I still have discipleship and a baptism to do but it is a work in progress.. Pastor, Mandy and Matthew have been helping me and are helping me take it slow till I get the hang of being a Christian again :)

Well that's it fr now and I hope everyone enjoyed it :)

As life goes on

Well my baby girl is 1yr old!! I can't believe how fast time flies sometimes :) She's gotten so big and she's so silly ;P Ailynne can say dada, mama, nono, thank you( even though it doesn't quite sound like thank you haha), love you(same as thank you on how she can't quite say it the way she's supposed to), baba, more.. She can take several steps but she prefers to crawl lol.. She has not had a binky in almost a week and doing great with out it :) She still refuses a sippy though :( but we're working on it..

Ekko is in Pre-K and loves it :) She will be 5yrs old in October!! I can't believe it myself, and I say this because when we were trying to get preggers we didn't think I would be able to ever get preggers and then came Ekko :) Our lives have been one huge adventure with her and Ailynne and we wouldn't trade it for anything!!

John and I are doing great!! We are going to celebrate 8yrs of being married in December, that's a long time haha I tell him every anniversary as a joke, " ok time for a newer model " LOL

I am loving my photography business!! Don't get me wrong I would love more business than I am getting but hey it's a work in progress, especially when trying to get your name out there but it's worth all the waiting to get new clients :) 

Anyways, I am off for now but I did want to give a little update since it's been so long!! Hope everyone has been doing great as well!!

Thunderstorms and Rainbows

Wow it has been a long time since I last blogged.. So here is a little update on us..

My dad got to come for a surprise visit for the 4th and I enjoyed it!! I always love getting to see my dad :) He has always been there for me and still is!! I had 4th of July Session that I did for a few of my friends that could come and did our 4th of July photos :) John, the girls and I watched the fireworks from our back yard and we all enjoyed it!! Of course later that month Ailynne got thrush and a yeast infection :( My poor baby girl was so miserable.. They had her on Nystatin and it didn't work.. We had boiled and sanitized everything she came in contact with.. I tell you what I could've performed surgery from the elbows down I was sterile LOL

I did my first Boudoir Session and it turned out really good I think.. I have been slowly getting bookings for all kinds of photo sessions and I am loving every minute of it :) My Photography business has been a little slow to start out but it's getting there :) One of my besties left me for a couple of weeks to go visit family but that's ok she needed family time :)

Ailynne is getting close to 1yr old!! I can't believe it myself.. A few days ago she took her first 2 steps and stands by herself.. She's getting so big, the last time she was weighed and measured she was 22lbs and 31in tall :) I have to slowly get her 18mon clothes cause she can't fit her 12mon clothes lol She still has thrush but she's been doing Genetian Violet and it seems to be working :)

Ekko is well Ekko lol.. Se's so smart and a pain in the butt all in one ;P She got into the CDL at the college in Warrensburg and starts there August 30th :) I am so excited for her to start a Pre-K type setting!! She will be 5yrs old in October!! Where does the time go when you have babies?? I don't but my girls are growing up so fast!!

I have been going to the gym.. I have 50lbs to lose!! and I have almost lost 10lbs of that :) Other than that not much has been going on.. Just getting my Photography Business slowly built up and watching my girls grow up on me lol Well I hope everyone has an awesome week!!

Miserable Sickness

I hate this, I have Bronchitis and it's getting worse with the cough and wheezing :( There's nothing I can do about it either :( I can't go up and down the stairs without feeling like I am about to pass out, I can't get a shower cause it's upstairs, I can't clean my house cause I run out of breath walking to the kitchen :( I know I am very whiny right now and I am sorry for that cause there are others out there worse off than me but at the same time, I am so sick of being sick.. It's like I can't get any of the tiny illnesses like a cold or something small like that :( The hubs is working this weekend so I am not getting any help with the girls so I feel even worse cause I am having to do everything by myself while being really sick :( I just want a shower and my house to be clean but that isn't going to happen any time soon.. Oh well I am done  for now as both of my kids are being needy when there's not a lot I can do for them..

So far on our Texas trip

We got here to Texas to visit my family that I haven't seen in 4+ years and it's been pretty good :) There have been a few ups and downs along the way but nothing we couldn't get through.. This is also the first time Mother has met the hubs in almost 8yrs.. I know crazy huh lol We've gone to a baseball game for my youngest nephew who turned 10 :) We've gone to the zoo, schlitterbahn, over to mothers for a bbq :) My family has given us so many breaks from the girls and we are so grateful for that.. we've really needed time to ourselves :) Our old flame sparked again cause we have been able to just have "us" time :) Not that we had any issues before, just reignited lol Going to go see an old friend tomorrow, can't wait to see her :) Any who just thought I would do a little update while I could :) I will do more later.. hope everyone has an awesome rest of the week and weekend!!

I know it has been forever s here it is...

Well Ailynne has been growing like crazy :) She weighs 19.10lbs (75%) and is 28.5 in tall (90%) She's been wearing 12mon clothes and size 4 diapers shortly after she turned 7mon and she will be 9mon on the 9th :) I can't believe it ;P She has recently started crawling which is awesome!! She says DA-DA all the time and squeaks lol 


Ekko is so smart it's not even funny lol She keeps growing before my eyes and she is my baby :) She will be 5yrs in October!! She has been in Dance class and has her first recital in June :) She can be my big helper sometimes and others a pain haha but that's any kid ;P She gets overly excited so easily and is by no means a shy kid lol I just can't believe how much she has grown considering it feels like I just had her and here she is trying to grow up on me lol


John and I are doing good :) We'll be married 8yrs in December!! We have our moments just like any married couple but nothing bad.. Though sometimes we don't understand where each other is coming from.. For instance, I am the one who pays the bills, buys whatever we need for the house, food or otherwise, takes care of appointments for the girls and Myself and takes care of the girls... So there are times when I just don't get the chance to clean a lot and he doesn't see where I am having the problem here but that's ok.. I see it this way I am the main caregiver here so I should be able to get some help with things around the house instead of doing it all myself but what I think doesn't really matter especially if he doesn't see it from perspective. Just like he sees it as, well you're home all day there's no reason I can't have a good portion of what needs to get done, done.. Which yes I can see it from his perspective but at the same time he's not the one who's around 24/7, I am!! But other than that little rant everything is going great here :) and really that's not a rant just the way things are with just about any family lol So it's just a part of life but I am trying to work on things but when I am having to make so many trips to the hospital and Warrensburg it's kind of hard to have everything done :( I am only one person after all :) but I will admit I know for a fact i can do it but some days I just don't have the energy or patience when I have a teething baby with an ear infection and a preschooler who wants to be up my butt and whine all day cause she's not getting what she wants lol


On another note we have a family vacation coming up in early June to go visit part of my family in Texas!! Which is nice considering I haven't seen a good chunk of that family since Ekko was a few months old :( 


Well I am off of here for now just wanted to post a little update!! Please don't mind my bitch fest lol Everyone enjoy your Memorial Weekend and stay safe through the holiday and this crazy weather :)

Not much but a little something :)

Since my surgery I have slowly been getting back into working out and I have to say it feels ssssooooo good!!! I am back on track trying to lose 40lbs!! It has definitely been helping improve my mood :) I have had a few gym buddies and worked out with a friend at her house and I am loving it :) I haven't enjoyed working out since highschool!!! I hope I can keep up with this routine :) 

There have been some changes in my life recently. I am not happy with some of them but I am not mad or anything. I know I may have gotten my words across wrong and I am sorry for that.. sometimes I just really suck at wording things and I hope everyone understands ad can work with me to be able to get what I mean across the right way so I am not taken wrong. I wish everyone the best for those who are in my life and even for those who are no longer in my life. This life is too short for us all to throw hissy fits over things, some things just can't be worked out and it sucks.. Some things just aren't meant to be, and it doesn't make anyone less of a person for it just that we figure out what we want and what's best for us and go for it :) 

The girls are doing good :) Ekko is on the wait list for a preschool type program at the college in warrensburg and I hope she gets on it soon :) It will be good for her, to get that interaction with other kids her age and to learn the things she needs to know and understand before she starts grade school :) Ailynne is getting so big :) I can't believe she is my last baby and she's growing up faster than Ekko did it seems lol 

Anyways I just wanted to do a little update, maybe once I have a life again I will have more to update on hahaha Anywho I hope everyone has an awesome weekend!! 

Post Surgery

Well here it is 4days after my Tubal Ligation and things are definitely getting easier for me at home :) Pretty much the only pain I really have is the incision in my belly button, and it is one huge yellow and blue bruise :( I can move easier around the house to do little things here and there which is nice considering I was starting to get annoyed with not being able to move much lol The morning is the most painless part of the day for me, then around 11-5 is where I hurt the most and the evening is on and off with pain.. I am getting to where I am needing pain meds less and less which is also nice cause they make me a little loopy lol I can pick up Ailynne and hold her more without it hurting too much till she wiggles and then whacks me in the belly button lol I can almost fully bend over without having to hold my belly button :) I can use my tummy muscles more now which is helpful :) Ekko has been extremely helpful through this for me.. if I need something and she can get to it she gets it for me :) She helps me with Ailynne, doesn't fight me as much for bed time cause she knows I can't do a lot.. Ekko even tells me from time to time, " Mommy your tummy hurts, you need to lay down and rest! " LMAO That kid is way too smart for her own good sometimes lol John has been so great with all of this, especially when he can clearly see I am in pain :) My Dad was a tremendous help and I am so grateful that he could be here for a couple days to help out with the girls :) I actually got to sit with him a little bit to talk and hang out which we haven't gotten to do much with the visits he's been here for :)

I want to Thank Everyone who has been here for me in one way or another to help me through this whole ordeal :) I love all of you!!

A little something

Well in 5 days I have my surgery. I am a little nervous now considering it's getting so close but I know it will all be ok :) My breakdowns are fewer and shorter for now which I am grateful for :) I have a few friends who know what I am going through and it helps to have them to talk to when I do have a breakdown.. I am thankful for all of my friends and family who have been there and supported me throughout this :) 


On the upside I have lost 6lbs total so far :) We have a credit card paid off, going to be making a Texas trip sometime this year to visit some of my family I haven't seen in 3-1/2 years :) , replacing our old dryer, getting a new box spring :) This trip will make the VERY first time my hubby and Mother have met.. I know we've been married for over 7yrs and they haven't met yet.. 


I am enjoying being able to go the gym every other day ish, well except for this past week cause of the blizzard but after my surgery it will be a couple weeks before I can workout again so lets hope I don't gain that 6lbs back lol.. Other than that we're all doing good here in the Ballard House :) Hope everyone has an awesome weekend and week :) 

A little update on us :)

Things are going pretty good :) I am slowly working on losing 50lbs and John has been trying to help me out with a diet and exercise, which has not been easy for me lol I don't like having to watch my calorie intake and such.. I want to try and start going to the gym shortly after John gets up and doing my cardio :) I still have workouts I can do at  home but this way I can also get a break for about 45min :) 


My surgery is coming up and it's getting easier accepting the fact I can't have anymore babies but still it hurts a little and I am sure it will for a while but it's good that I have friends who know what I am going through and can help me cope with it all :) It also helps that I do have both my miracle babies that keep me company and occupied even if they aren't the best conversationalists lol My dad is coming up for it to help out for a few days and that will be nice not only because of the help but because we get to see him again!! Ekko loves her papa :) 


Ekko is getting better with her alphabet :) I have been working with her on it.. between her alphabet magnets on the fridge and her Leap Frog My First Spelling Bee Cards she is getting the hang of it, she still gets her n's and u's mixed up but we're working on that too :) We're also working with her on her speech trying to help her be able to pronounce words and sentences better :) She's doing pretty good with that too, although sometimes she gets too excited and gets things mixed up lol


Ailynne is doing good, just got her switched to Prosobee formula to hopefully help her tummy out a little.. she doesn't have AR but still her tummy seems to get upset sometimes with gas and such.. She keeps trying to roll from her back to belly :) She has rolling from her belly to back down lol She's trying to get the hang of eating baby food down although she ends up wearing most of it lol She talks like crazy and is all around a happy baby :) 


Other than that not much really new going on, just wanted to update :) Hope everyone has an awesome rest of the week and an awesome weekend :)

I understand and it's ok :)

I have started over with a clean slate for everyone this year trying to make old friendships stronger.. In my ventures of trying to do so it has pushed some people in my life away. I can understand that noone wants to get hurt or go through the things they went through once already. I myself don't want to be hurt again, I also am learning that holding grudges and closing up will only bring more stress into my life. I am going with the flow and hoping that wherever life brings me is an adventure.. Life has so much to offer and teach us, we just have to be open minded and open hearted to change :) Sure there will be bumps along that road but where would we be if we let all the bumps stop us from continuing down life's road. Stop and smell the roses, enjoy the scenery, and just take it all in, every little detail. Memories last forever and you don't want to miss a thing :) you never know when it's your time and don't want to have regrets of things you wished you would've done. 


We are only human and we all make mistakes. That's part of life, even though you can choose which path to take, just take a random path and see where it takes you.. you can leave bread crumbs to find your way back :) Nothing is permanent unless you make it so. If you find yourself feeling out of sorts or lost just remember who you are and where you come from, keep faith that you will know how to find your way back.. 


I have been trying to sort things out in my life myself and I have come to the conclusion that if any of my friends are reevaluating their lives then when you find where you want to be if I am not a part of that new beginning then that's ok, I hold no grudges nor will I think any different of you. We all have to find where we belong and it doesn't always include those who we thought would be a part of that with us. It's the experiences that we will always keep with us and the memories, good and bad. I do love all of my friends no matter where your path leads, I will always remember the good times we had and wish nothing but the best and all the happiness in the world for you and your families :) 


If you find that you think my post is a bunch of bull then that's ok too, I am just writing my feelings and want everyone to know that my intentions are good whether they are taken that way or not is a whole other story but this is my sincere thoughts and feelings and I hope you can see where I am coming from and understand I never meant to cause any problems, I am sorry if that's what it came out to be but that was not my intention. 

Oh so tired but feels so good

John and I have been slowly working on going through all of our clothes and getting them together to take to the AA to donate for those who really need them :) I have been getting all my maternity clothes together to take pics of to see if any of my pregger wives could use them before they go to the AA :) I have to go through Ailynne's clothes and put off to the side everything she has outgrown so that when I find out what my wives are having, if they are having girls I can donate those baby clothes to them :)

Monday I am starting to hardcore workout!! Got 50lbs to lose and I am not backing down!! I know it will take time as having a baby does a lot to your body and you need to take it easy and get back into the swing of things :)

I am so tired with doing everything around here and basically taking care of the girls by myself.. Not saying anything bad against John, he works nights so he can't really do much during the day.. It will be nice when he goes back to days for a little bit so I can actually have a day on the weekend where I can sleep in :) Ailynne has been waking up around 7a every morning for the past week or so and it's kicking my ass lol She still takes her 2-3naps a day so I get some rest time myself ;) She's growing so fast :) Still hates tummy time but I make her do it any way lol her teething pain has gone down some but she's still drooling like a st. bernard lol

Ekko's tummy is slowly going back to normal ;) Her sinus infection is gone :) She has been hungry and thirsty a lot lately, which is getting kinda crazy but she's a growing girl and needs to eat like a football player LOL She loves her dance class, which we missed last night cause of weather and I didn't feel comfortable going down DD in this weather.. Hopefully we'll have a referral soon for her to see the speech therapist and see if she needs the extra help getting caught up on her speech.. which if she does will bump her up tremendously on the headstart list :)

Well that's all for now.. I am going to head off here and figure out whats for dinner and wake Ekko up from her nap ;)

Things going through my mind

So as you all know I am having a Tubal Ligation done Feb 10th.. Well I am not as nervous about it anymore as I was before my preop which is good :) It's just hard for me when I think about it because I am basically castrating myself, but it's for a good reason.. I just worry that after I have this done things will change for John and I.. I know he loves me and that he always will, I don't know I just I will feel like less of a woman because now I can't have anymore kids with or without the surgery.. John only wants 2 kids which we have and they are both our miracle babies and we love them dearly. I always wanted 3 kids but it's ok thhat I don't have one more, it's not like I won't have options to have another :) I fell like everyone will look at me differently after my surgery and that things will change with everyone ;( I know that my friends understand why I am doing this but still it makes me think, what if they see me differently afterwards and things get akward??

I usually don't give a damn about what people think of me so I don't know why I would let these thoughts run through my head but they do.. When I think about my surgery I cry because I always wanted to give my dad a grandson and now I can't.. My dad understands why I am doing this but at the same time I wonder if he'll we be hurt a little because I can't give him a grandson..

I haven't really had any family be supportive and I say this when I have sent out emails about me getting this done noone replies or calls asking me why or are you sure or we're here if you need us.. It just makes me wonder if they even care.

All I really want is support from everyone, I need to know that they care, but I am not going to force anyone to I just hope that they do. I know all this worry may sound stupid but it's there just floating around in my head :(

Sorry if this sounds all down and depressing, you don't have to say anything about all of this I just wanted to get it out of my head..

I did want to Thank Everyone who has been there for me and still is :)

Making Changes

Welcome 2011!!

I will be making some changes in my life.. First off I plan to lose 50lbs, no timeline set because I know it takes time... Second I will be getting my tubes ties, it was a very difficult decision to make and it's necessary. Third I am going to be a lot more cautious as to who I let into my life. I have been burned in the past year and I don't want it to happen again anytime soon. I want my current friendships to thrive and grow, to make new healthy friendships, and to no longer feel like I am just here out of convenience for some people.

Ekko is 4yrs old and definetly acts like it lol. She's growing up so fast :) I hope to get her in Head Start this year. She is loving her dance classes and there will be a recital in June and I can't wait to see what she's learned :) Ekko has shown more interest in reading now than before which is great! She started getting into dress up and more girlie things but she still has her tomboy side :)

Ailynne started the new year 4mon old! Pretty soon she'll be crawling, then walking, and after that there will be extra craziness here lol.. She's talking so much more now, showing interest in her rattles and other baby toys :) She can roll from her belly to her back but we're still working on back to belly :) Ailynne is  smiles 95% of the time and giggles a lot too :) She is such a happy baby :)

I got to experience some really great things this past year and some bad things.. I made some new friends, lost friends, I got to be there for one of my friends when she had her son :) That was the most beautiful and awesome thing I have ever seen!!

So I welcome 2011 and hope everyone has an awesome year!!