Hard Times/ Trouble Heart and Mind

I write this not to get pity or judgement, but to seek guidance and a clear view of what's to come. We have been having quite a few issues with working with Ekko and her ADHD. She has been revolting more lately and saying things no 5yr should know or should know how to word them. I don't think she understands what she's saying but they are extremely hurtful. There are times I think I went wrong somewhere and somehow it's my fault :( I keep hearing everyone telling me it isn't my fault but at the same time I don't know what else to do. I go to the lord with my troubles and I know he hears me, I just don't know that he can help with this... I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her the help she needs, now if I only knew what she needed... I love her so much and she is my miracle baby, I just want my sweet girl back... I feel so lost..

I will close out for now but I just needed to get that out there.. It helps to blog or journal :) Anyways I hope everyone is doing great :)

Lazy weekends

This weekend is pretty laid back.. I am going to be doing some cleaning once the kids are out of my hair lol I am going to be going through things as I rearrange a few things and getting rid of some things.. I am looking forward to de-cluttering the house a little bit :) Last night I pampered myself a little and might do that again this evening. I have a lot on my mind but it's nothing serious, I will figure it all out, I always do :)

I am supposed to be journaling but I haven't been doing that :( Instead I have been on here putting my thoughts and such lol It's all good though cause I will get back to journaling again :) I have been listening to a lot of swing and 20's - 30's music on Pandora and am loving it :) It's crazy how music has changed so much, it used to be so good and now it's all about sex and bitches lol Anyways i just had some random things I wanted to jot down in a sense.. I am going to get back to planning on what I am cleaning first lol

Lots of new things to look forward to :)

This mommy is pretty excited :) I have several sessions coming up and possibly a big job coming up :) I really hope I get this big session it would really help out :) I am starting to do more discounts on sessions to build up more albums for more clients and I hope that helps kick off my business again :) I am looking forward to using my kiddos and friends to try out my new equipment :) This 15th payday I will be getting my backdrop stand, clamps, lighting kit and light reflective discs for outdoor sessions!! And then after our trip to Idaho this summer I will be saving up to buy more props and backdrops!! I am determined more than ever to keep working hard on my photography and my skills :) I LOVE my job and want to improve upon it :) I know I will never be one of the GREATS but that doesn't mean I can't be great at what I do!!

Ekko will be starting Kindergarten this year!! I can't believe it, it seems like just yesterday she was walking and talking!! She is so incredibly smart :) I know this is going to be a struggle for a while though because she has ADHD and it's difficult to work with her :( She can't sit stil for more than a few minutes, doesn't focus and her mind is all over the place but between her therapist who specializes in kids and adults with ADHD and her PEDS doc I am hoping we can get her a medication and way to get her to focus :) I don't like the idea of meds cause I was put on them as a child, I had ADHD but I am hoping that they have a medication that doesn't turn her into a vegetable.. I want her to be able to still be herself, just more focus and calm..

Ailynne is learning and expanding her vocabulary everyday :) She is so smart, has a great personality that people love and is so silly :) She's getting bigger and bigger and keeps secretly deciding to hit growth spurts lol She has at least 2 teeth coming in and her hair just keeps getting more and more curlies :) I hope she doesn't lose her curls!! She has been in a toddler bed for a while and within the next few months will be starting to work with her on potty training!! I really hope she's easier to potty train than Ekko was.. Both of my girls amaze me and drive me crazy at the same time lol but hey at least I now they will both be social butterflies :)

Well on top of all my photography plans I have coming up, I am getting my hair done on the 6th :) I am going to have some colors added, bangs and possibly switch up my current style a bit!! With taxes we will have our jeep paid off, which that extra money is going to be saved up for our Idaho trip.. We will also be putting a big chunk on a bill :) This coming years taxes I will be filing because I am determined to make enough money to be able to file!! I will also be getting a business license soon!! I will be making everything legal and official!!

Well that's all for now :) So I will let everyone go and hope you all have an amazing weekend!! TTFN

Random but nevertheless and Update

So just some completely random thoughts so work with me here lol First off we have a new addition to our family, Soda :) he's about 7weeks old now, black short hair kitten :) It was a little rough at first with him and Mew.. Mew wanted nothing to do with him at first, he would hiss at him and bolt anytime Soda got near him, but now Mew and Soda are thick as thieves ;P Boys will be Boys lol They love on each other, play with each other and fight with each other :)

Ailynne is growing up so fast :) She's getting bigger and bigger everyday.. Ekko is doing ok... She does great with writing her letters and we're slowly working on her numbers :) She is so smart but she can't focus or listen to what she's told to do and it's very frustrating when I have no control over her to help her to listen and focus :( There are times I don't know what to do :( She is seeing a therapist that specializes with kids who have ADHD, ADD, ODD and so on and so forth, so I hoping in time we can get it all figured out..

John and I are doing great as usual lol I have gained a lot of weight and it makes no sense how I gained all of it :( There are times I second guess myself as a Mother and think, " What am I doing wrong?? " " Why does everyone have to make me feel like I can't do anything right my kids because I don't d things the way they do them with their kids" I don't know why I let it get to me but if you felt as if you were being attacked you would feel the same way :( And it sucks!! I know that if I leave it in God's hands that it will all work out for the best and that I need to be patient.. there are times when I just know how to do that :(

Sorry for all that but I just don't know what to do anymore about almost anything, and I hate feeling helpless :(

We are nothing without the Grace of God

New Year, New Memories, New Beginnings

Ended the year with good friends and good food... Started the New Year with a kiss from my amazing husband!!! I have decided that even though I was too damn lazy to do anything about my fat arse that this year I WILL LOSE 60LBS!!!!! I am also going to do my best to become a better wife, mother and Christian!!! I want things in my life to change, for the better of course :) I am hoping that my Photography Business picks up again.. I know that things will happen for me as God wants them to but still you know what I mean..

I am going to Blog more, I have started Journaling and reading Devotions :) I want to work more with Ekko on getting her to understand things to where she will actually do what she's told before she starts school... I am also looking forward to rebuilding friendships that didn't end well last year that are slowly coming back together again :)

Also would like to announce that one of my Besties is Pregnant!!!! Baby #2 should be making their appearance late august early September.. We will know more soon as far as a due date goes :) Well that's it for now.. I hope everyone had an awesome New Years Eve!!!