Life is surreal

I'm sorry it's been so long since I have done a blog.. There has been many things going on in our lives lately.. First my baby girl Ailynne Rose turned 2 September 9th!! I can't believe she is already 2! My other baby girl Ekko Danielle is turning 6 October 24th!! Ekko is doing so good in Kindergarten and that makes this mommy very happy. There are certain areas she is exactly where she is supposed to be but there are a lot of areas she is where they want her to be by then end of Kindergarten.. Math being on of the areas she is excelling in, she gets it from her daddy :) Her teacher did nothing but Dote on her at the Parent Teacher Conference :) Ekko loves school and her teacher, she will throw a fit on the weekend cause she  can't go to school then lol

I recently got back on my anxiety meds and they did a depression/anxiety assessment before I started them and scored a 9 and now that I am back up to my higher dosage I am scoring a 0!! I feel good 98% of the time.. the other 2% is being tired lol They also did a spectrometer test for my asthma to see if any of those meds needed adjusting and my lung age is 27 which is how old I am lol My tech said that's crap and was laughing, I had asked her what and she said the she is a nonsmoker and nondrinker and exercises but her lung age is 54.. Here I am with exertional asthma, a smoker and drinker and my lung age is 27.. I am pretty sure the Tech was younger than me..

This year has been pretty hard with the hubs losing a stripe cause of PT but we have somehow made it through.. I am worried about Christmas for the girls cause we can't afford any layaways or anything like that but I know we will figure it out. We always do :) We are also surprising the girls with a puppy!! They loves dogs and I think it will be good for them, good thing I am a SAHM or house training might be a nightmare lol I am taking the girls with me to go to wally world to get what we need for the puppy and then to go get him and by the time we get home my dad will be here for Ekko's Birthday.. Sshh she doesn't know about the puppy or my dad coming down and she is going to have an awesome weekend!!

Anywho I am going to close out for now. Just figured I would do a little update :) I hope everyone has an awesome rest of the week and weekend!!

Getting back into the swing of things

Well my girls went to Texas to spend 2 weeks with family and they all had a blast :) John and I had a lot of much needed "us" time. While they were away I was working out and I still am. I have only lost 12lbs total but have lost 22-24in total in my mid section :) I am loving my results.. Even if I don't lose a lot of weight as long as I burn fat and gain muscle I am fine with that :) I weigh 202lbs but look like I weigh 170lbs and that works for me lol

Since the girls have been back things have been a little rocky but not too much.. Both girls sleep in the same room now and the other room is a play room and has all of their toys in it :) I put Ailynne down first and then about 30mins or so later put Ekko down and so far it has worked beautifully :) Every night before bed the girls clean up the toy room and their room :) I started a chore chart and I have been slightly slacking on my chores but John and the girls have been doing theirs.. I am trying to gt better about mine but by the time I get Ekko in bed I just want to relax lol Having the girls back after 2 weeks has really thrown me off but I will get back into the swing of things and everything will be back to normal :)

Well that's all for now. I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and an awesome weekend!!

I feel Blessed and Accomplished!

So things have been going good here at the Ballard House :)

I have started writing a book. A Vampire Romance. I am so proud of myself, the last time I tried to write a book was 7yrs ago and never got past the second chapter. Here I am in the middle of Chapter 8 and loving it!! My hubs is very supportive of me wanting to do this and I have some pretty awesome friends in my cheering section too :) I can't wait till it's finished so that I can share it! If all goes the way I plan there will be more in the Series but each book with a different supernatural being. The hubs says he doesn't mind me being his sugar mama HAHA I think he secretly hopes I can get it published ;P I do too!!

Any who that's it for now :) I hope everyone has a safe and awesome 4th of July!!

Some Randomness

Ailynne's ENT Surgery went well :) She slept a lot the next couple of days but seems to be back to normal.. Her doc says if she talks a lot now in the next week or so it really start to pick up now that she can hear so much better :) I can't wait to hear what she has been hiding from me..

Ekko got Strep just before Ailynne went in for her Surgery but thankfully Ailynne didn't get it and that we caught Ekko's in enough time so we could get her antibiotics :) Ekko is doing much better now and seems pretty much back to her old self, except she still has a nasty cough so when I get her follow up appt I can ask about it then..

I have Bronchitis, surprise surprise lol I tried to make an appt but because of my acute asthma they made me go to the ER.. How dumb was that?!?! Oh well I was in an out within 30mins lol The doc agreed with me too but hey it's all good :) I have lost 11lbs so far :D 64lbs to go to my ultimate weight goal and I can't wait to reach it :)

The girls will be going to Texas for 2wks to spend some time with their Aunt Cassie, which is good for everyone :) They need to see some of their family, plus it will give the hubs and I a much needed break.. We don't really get to go do anything much anymore cause no one can ever watch the girls, which sucks yes but it's ok cause this 2wks will make up for so much of that :) John will be taking the week before they leave and the first week their gone off :) While the girls are gone I WILL be at the gym everyday :) I am determined to lose weight and will have EVERY opportunity to do it :)

I have so many things I want to get done around here.. Both girls will have their beds in Ekko's room and Ailynne's room will become the toy room :) I got an amazing deal for a toddler bed for Ailynne so we can break down the crib and use it for fire wood HAHA I just have a few things to get to actually decorate their room with and can't wait!!! I will also be able to get the carpets cleaned, go through toys and clothes for things they have out grown :) With any luck I can decorate their room for under $40..

I recently finally got my living room decorated, which I am not done but will soon :) I decorated our living room for under $30 which is awesome considering everything I got :) I got an area rug, 3 sets of curtains, a wall hanging and a couple of small shelves.. I would say I did pretty good but that's just me lol I also want to at some point cover my bar stools so they are comfy to sit on ;P

I want to put together a website for my photography but am no good at it lol I am not really getting any business right now and could really use it.. I got some more business cards ordered and want to set up a blog as well which don't ask why but I forgot how to do that HAHA I know I am special ;P I will get it all figured out so no worries :)

We have some plans for the 4th and the weekend before the 4th and can't wait!!! I also am in the process of starting John's Birthday Shopping and I really hope he likes everything :)

Anywho, that's pretty much it for now :) I hope everyone has an amazing weekend and 4th of July!!! Stay safe and keep cool in this heat advisory :)

Good news and exciting news :)

Well Ailynne had her ENT appt today.. She does have to get tubes in her ears and her surgery for that is Tuesday, she had her Pre-Op already and her Post-Op will be 3wks after and I will get her custom ear plugs made then too.. I feel bad for her but I can almost guarantee that her speech will improve greatly once she can hear better :) But she is doing good and so smart :) Both my girls are incredibly smart and I love them dearly..

Both girls will be visiting with their Aunt Cassie this summer for 2 weeks, which I am excited and nervous about LOL This will be good cause they get to spend time with Texas Family and it gives us a much needed break :) But I will miss them like mad crazy!! Those are my babies!! John and I will get some alone time which will be nice :) I can guarantee that I will be counting down the days till I get to see them again :) I have already told Aunt Cassie I expect to get a call from my girls twice a day LOL Once at bed time and the other they could choose :) I will be leaving her with an SD card so she can take photos of them having fun for me :)

Ekko's ADHD meds still aren't in :( The clinic is starting to make me very angry :( Hopefully they will get in while they are gone so I have them once they get back :) 

Anyways that's pretty much it for now :)

Answers, but at the same time not answers

Well not a whole lot has been going on around here LOL Both girls have head colds, which means more than likely Ailynne will end up with a double ear infection... Thankfully she has an appt with the ENT Specialist on the 14th :) I just dd Ekko's hair and the bottom half of her hair is bright pink :) She loves it..

Business is really slow right now which is not good but I am hoping for it to pick up soon... I am trying to do another special this one for the 4th but no one seems to be interested as of yet but hey there is still time to get bookings :) I am trying to keep positive about it all but it's so hard when I feel like I can't do good enough or that I am not good enough :( I know this will pass as I have been down this road many times before and I am sure it won't be the last lol

At one point it was looking like I was going to be a tubal reversal but after seeing the fertility specialist they said the problems I have been having have nothing to do with my tubal, which is good and bad.. I have found out that I have PCOS and produce more testosterone than most women :( Which means I am a manly woman hahahahaha and is the reason I have infertility, acne, off the wall periods, weight gain and issues losing weight but we shall see what the nest step is :) So I don't have to have the surgery but now have to figure out what to do about the hormonal imbalance I have :( I am really hoping it can be fixed soon cause I don't like all of this nonsense..

Anyways other than that not a whole lot going on here :) But it's something :) I will do another update on just the girls and I later..

Excited Nervousness

So I have my first big Wedding to Photograph on the 21st.. I am super excited and blessed but also nervous beyond all belief.. I have a bigger SD card, extra AA batteries for my external flash, mini softbox for external flash but no spare battery pack for my camera :( I am not sure what to do.. I have been asking around for one but nothing.. I have a few friends and fellow photogs who have been giving me encouraging words and advice but I still have doubts that I can be as great as what people think I can be.. I am trying to keep my head up and not psych myself out but still.. Anyways that's really it for now.. just worried I will let everyone down and that is not what I want to do.. I want to photograph and edit photos that will make them proud for hiring me.. Please just keep me in your thoughts and prayers.. If I can't find a spare battery pack I am going to need them..

Good day today so far :)

Well I had my ear cleaned out which there is still a lot of wax built around my tube, which is not good but I am going to be putting a solution in my ear to help :) Ekko had her appt today to get her meds switched and they should be here in a week, cause they had to get special ordered :) I got home from appts and fixed the girls breakfy, then started cleaning and I have my kitchen almost completely done, the floors in the kitchen done, next is the litter box and living room floors.. Then possibly the downstairs bathroom!! I am on a roll today!! I love when I have the energy to take on the world!! This weekend is going to be AWESOME!!! I can't wait for it :) I am not sure when to do Ekko's School photos though... Should I take them this weekend or take them closer to when she starts school in August?? I can't believe I have a Kindergartener on my hands!! It seems like just yesterday I brought her home from the hospital.. Anyways, I could go on and on about how good my day is so far but there is always room for it to get better :) I am enjoying this day while I can, case you never know what may happen later in the day.. I hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend!!!

Life as I know it

Well my Trip to Ohio to spend a week and a half with my Dad went great!! I had a lot of fun and it was really great getting to spend time with him :) The girls had a lot of fun too and were sad the day we got back cause they couldn't find Papa.. But we will get to see him again which is great :) I miss my old man already!!

I have an amazingly bright Summer coming up.. I have been hired to Photograph a Wedding, I have a Summer job lined up, plus getting to go to Idaho to see family!! Then Ekko starts Kindergarten this year!! I know it seems like yesterday that I just had her but here my baby girl is growing up.. She still struggles with her ADHD but we are trying to work with her, her Pediatrician, her therapist and a few people that we trust to have objective, non biased and non judgmental input and advice :)

Ailynne just keeps getting bigger and smarter everyday!! She's already in 24mon clothes, thank the lord they fit a smidge big otherwise we would have to bump her up to 2T already haha We probably will this fall/winter!!

Anyways that's pretty much it for now LOL I know it's not much but there it is :)

Ohio Trip

The girls and I came to Ohio to visit my dad for a week and a half :) We have been having a lot of fun!! Especially the girls lol They love going out in Dad's huge Backyard and just running around :) Dad and I built a Raised Bed for his Veggie Garden, and we're going to finish the upstairs Bathroom this week before the girls and I head back :) Dad took me to see West Side Story, which was awesome!!! The girls stayed with Grandma Norma while we had a day out.. I got the girls new dresses so I can do a photo shoot with Dad and the Girls for him to have :) Plus I am going to get a couple prints for him and one for me at the house.. He's having some contractors out doing the siding of his house, which looks really good :) 

Ekko is doing so so, which just means with her ADHD she is having a really hard time focusing.. But once we get back I am going to put in for her second meds to go with her Adderall, which will be good!! She starts Kindergarten in less than 4 months!! I can't believe she's almost 6yrs old!!

Ailynne has learned a lot of new words since we've been here which is awesome :) She officially has enough hair for a full on ponytail and pig tails!! Which makes me happy :) I put her hair up in a pony tail and she looked just too darn cute!! 

John and I have been keeping in touch and we miss him a lot and he's ready for us to come home ;P I am in the process of trying to find a job.. I have gotten a few Applications in and hoping to get more in!! I have even considered 2 jobs but we'll see if I can even get 1 first LOL Well that's really it for now :) Hope everyone has an awesome week!! We head back home on Thursday!!

Loving my results!!! It Works Wraps

So I have been using the It Works Ultimate Body Applicators and must say I LOVE them and the results they give me!!! I know what some of you are going to say, oh it's just a fad and once you stop using them you'll get fat again. Not necessarily true, as long as I do my cardio, KEEP DRINKING my WATER(which you should drink tons anyways to stay hydrated) and doing one once or so a month after I reach my desired results I WILL KEEP those results!!! See I will admit that I was skeptical about them at first but tried one and noticed a difference, maybe not a huge one because I am so overweight and covered in fluff n stuff but I did notice it and did lose about 2.5ins :) You can believe me or not but once you see my photos you will believe!! I plan on getting more wraps and the defining gel, just because I am not quite to my desired results just yet but I am still working on it :) If after seeing my photos if you still think I am full of it then fine, you are a grown person and can decide for yourself but DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT post any NEGATIVE comments on my blog post about it, for if you do I WILL DELETE IT!!! This blog is to encourage you to try new things and to do whatever it takes to get what you want :) I want to lose inches and guess what I am!!

Here are my Results!!

See these results?? These are REAL RESULTS!!! And I am loving it!! I plan to keep going with the wraps and defining gel, plus working out so that I can reach the results I want!! Tomorrow is Wrap 4 and I can't wait :) For those of you that are interested in the It Works Wraps, you can see how awesome they are :) So if you want to try them out go for it :) Everyone has different results at different paces :)

Some bad :( & Some good :)

Well Ailynne is almost 19mons old :) She is 24lbs and is 33in tall :) My poor baby has yet another double ear infection and she has 5 meds she has to take :( She got some shots today and took them like a champ only cried for a second :) On a good note it's almost Easter!!! My girl's are going to have a blast considering they will have 2 Easter Egg Hunts that day lol One of them is at a friend's house and the other at home :) Ekko is doing good, her allergies are kicking her butt but other than that not too shabby haha My girls are getting so big!! Ekko starts Kindergarten this year and turning 6 in October and Ailynne will be 2 in September!! Yes We have a very busy end of year, what with the girls' Birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Our 9yr Anniversary and Christmas!! I wouldn't trade any of it for the world!! I love my little family with all my heart :)

John and I are doing great :) I have been doing the It Works Ultimate Body Applicators and have gotten through 2 so far and have lost almost 7in total & 7lbs :) , and I still have 2 more to do out of my box :) I can't wait to see how much I lose from the 4 wraps total :) I may even get another box, but have to save up for it first lol Anyways just wanted to do a little update :) I hope everyone has an Awesome and Blessed Easter Weekend!!

A little nervous but hopeful

Well tomorrow I have a Specialty appt in the Burg and I am hoping I can convince them to untie my tubes.. I know how this sounds but having them tied has caused more problems than not :( I am really hoping they don't do what the clinic on base has tried and try to shove BC down my throat cause that's not what I want and if they do I might scream :( I just want all these problems to go away..

I am also going to start working out tonight after the girls are in bed and am hoping to do this every night :) I have 80lbs to lose and it's not going to just up and leave my body on it's own, although how awesome would that be if it did?? LOL I really hope these little workouts help :)

Well that's really all for now.. Just a tiny update lol I hope everyone has a wonderful week!!

Not sure what to think

Soooo I have A LOT on my mind right now and unfortunately can't talk about any of it on here :( But I am just freaking out in my head and can't talk about anything and it sucks but I know everything will work out in the end.. I just ask that you send lots of good happy dust and prayers our way cause we need them.. No nothing is going on with the hubs and I.. We are doing really great :) I couldn't ask for a more awesome hubby!!

The girls are doing good ish LOL Ekko is having  little cabin fever and I can't blame her, I am too.. Being stuck inside with not many places to go kinda makes anyone a little crazy.. But Kindergarten starts this year which will help her get out of the house a lot more :) And around kids she can play with.. I can't really take her to play at any of my friends' houses cause they either don't have kids or have kids any where near her age and that puts a damper on hanging out with my friends :( But she is so smart and can be super sweet when she isn't trying to push my buttons LOL But what kid doesn't do that to their mommy ;P

Ailynne is at the fun and super cute stage in her life :) Every morning I open her door and she greets me with a big smile waves and says hi :) She is a total cutie and everyone who sees her no matter how bad their day is going gets a big smile on their face when she smiles, waves and says hi to them :)Her vocabulary is growing more and more but her favorite things to say is either hi, ball or watch it LOL But her vocabulary is bigger than that those are just words you hear her say a lot of unless she's thirsty then she says cup cup or more :)

The serious stuff I can't talk about but there's a small update on my munchkins.. Maybe this weekend I will take some more photos of them :)

Starts Angry ends Happy :)

Ekko has been wanting Purple in her hair for some time now, well she needed a trim anyways and I talked to the hubs ad got her a hair appt to get her hair done :) She had a blast and loves it!!! Now I realize there are a lot of people who don't agree with our decision and that's ok because she's not their daughter.. I don't want to sound mean about it but people have no right to judge others especially when they have their own issues and faults.. I love my daughters and if we can afford it I spoil them rotten!! They have everything they need and then some :) I take care of them, I cuddle and love them equally and discipline them equally.. It has been brought to my attention that they are some out there who think me an unfit mother and that I neglect my children... That may be their opinion but it's wrong.. When the School and I were getting investigated for a scratch Ekko got at school it was proven then that I am a very fit mother, so stick that in your juice box and suck it!! Judge me all you want but your judgement day is coming as well and you will have the big guy upstairs to answer to.. I am by no means perfect, nor do I know everything.. But I know my kids and you don't!! I LOVE my daughter's with all my heart and soul and would do anything for them!! So if you don't like the way I do things or how my kid acts then go away!! You don't have to stick around for anything..

That being said I am thinking that tomorrow the girls and I might go to Sedalia and do some shopping and maybe go to the park :) it's going to be nice out and I plan to enjoy as well my girl's should :) Things are going good in my Photography business and it keeps expanding more and more!! I LOVE what I do!! If it weren't for some of my Photog Friends, I don't think I would have grown as much as I have in my photography and I thank them :) My Friends and Family are awesome!! I love them and if it weren't for them, when tough situations came along, I don't know that I would have stayed sane through it LOL

I have been teaching Ekko about God and his son Jesus Christ, she loves hearing the stories from her Children's Bible!! Both girls love going to church and we might start going on Wednesdays along with us already going on Sunday :) The girl's will be getting Dedicated the weekend before Easter :) So be looking for Photos from that.. I am wanting to get Ekko into a sport but not sure what or when seeing as she starts Kindergarten this year... My Birthday is the March 21st!! I am getting OLD!! HAHA!! It's ok cause no matter how old I get the hubs will always be the oldest LMAO!!

Well really that's all for now, I updated the Photo Banner with the girl's Easter photos :)

Not a lot going on but a lot going on

Hhhhhmmmm what's new around the Ballard Home... Not much lol I have my flyer set up for my Easter Mini Sessions and only one booked so far which is kind of depressing but hey there is still time lol I am doing the Girls' Easter Photos today after their dresses come in :) I got a call from one of the Church ladies who is also the Church Photographer and she wants to meet up with me to try and for us to go out to the local churches and offer our services and to get our names out there, which I think is awesome and so far am liking the idea but we meet up Saturday to talk about it more so keep your fingers crossed for us :) Tomorrow is my Newborn Session with The Muncy Triplets!!! Thank the Lord that Crista Everly for Everly Photography is helping me with this and that Jessica Sorondo is coming to watch the girls at the house to help me with that :) I am used to only doing Newborn Sessions for 1 baby, not 3 and though this will be an amazing experience I still need help with it :) Other than that not much is really going on lol I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and an awesome weekend!!!

A fork in the road

So a lot of things have been happening as far as with what we are planning on doing. I won't go into detail till we know for sure which path we are taking.. Regardless of which ever path gets taken we will be buying a house!! I know it will be our first one and I am so excited/ nervous lol

I had the meeting with the Head of the Early Childhood Special Education Program and after speaking with him and his staff, going over Ekko's screening and what it all means it looks like she won't need any help before Kindergarten :) That makes this Mommy very happy to know that my is so smart and knows quite a bit more than what most kids do when starting Kindergarten :) I plan to keep working with her on things as I can so I can keep everything fresh and refine some of the skills she has..

Ailynne is a goober lol Her vocabulary keeps expanding more and more everyday :) She walks, runs, dances, makes the funniest faces ever lol Just a few of the words in her vocabulary are; Mama, Dada, Soda, do it, doo doo, more, hi, hello(hewwo), bye bye, night night, cup cup, cool.. I have even heard her say watch it LOL but only a couple of times lol She will be 18mons on the 9th!! I can't believe she is almost a year nad a hlaf!! My baby will be 2yrs old September 9th!! This is the fun age though.. But along with the sweet comes the sour and she can through a fit :( She will throw herself on the ground and scream and believe me when I say this her scream, if it were an octave higher, could probably shatter glass lol

My Photography business has slowed down for a short period of time but Easter is coming up and I have a feeling I will get busy again really fast :) Oh and depending on which ever path gets taken I am planning on trying to get things lined up to expand my business where ever we settle down at :) I don't know if it will work but I am going to try after getting my name out there for a bit :) Anywho that's it for now :)Just wanted to give a little update!!

I hope everyone has an awesome week!!

Unforgiveable Stupidity

I am the worst person in the world right now :( I have hurt one of my best friends and it's not something I can take back.. Things were said in a way I didn't mean for them to but it happened anyways.. Do I deserve forgiveness, probably not.. Who would do something like that to one fo their best friends?? I have been emotional and down in the dumps a little and it came out bad today but that doesn't excuse what I said.. I am turnhing into someone I didn't think I was ever going to turn into and I won't say who because it would open up a whole other can of worms that I don't want opened..

I wish there was something I could do or say to let her know how sorry I am but I don't think it will help :( She's like a sister to me and I don't want to lose her but afdter what I said I would completely understand if she never wanted to speak to me again :(

This and That

So things are going alright here lol I am slowly getting the right help for Ekko to help control her ADHD so she can function in school :) She had a Dial 3 screening and when the Director of the Early Childhood Special Education Program called to go over her results with me, he said that her scores showed she was in the average ranger for her IQ.. I told him she wasn't on her meds that day and he said that since she wasn't that she might actually be a lot smarter cause with her meds she can focus and wasn't really able to for the screening so that makes this mommy happy and she will be having a more in depth screening at a later date to see where she really stands and may not need help just the right meds so she can very well start Kindergarten without any aides to help her :)

Ailynne is getting so big and her vocabulary expands more and more all the time :) Her terrible 2's are starting to kick in and she goes through screaming fits.. When she does her fits or does something she knows she's not supposed to she gets time out in the corner for 1 minute.. And she actually stays in the corner for that whole minute, she screams and cries but she stays there... It was so cute the first time she got time out in the corner lol I told her to go to the corner and she went cause she sees Ekko go there all the time haha

John is doing good :) He recently tested for Tech Sergeant, so keep your fingers crossed.. He also put in for BOP to Hill and Mountain Home.. So we should know something by the end of March as to whether or not he got approved for it :) And which ever we get and if we get it, we will be buying a house.. If so things might very well move pretty fast and thats awesome but at the same time kind of worries me.. I have so many friends here I am not ready to leave yet and I also have so many plans for Mandy and her new hootie hoot on the way and if we leave before baby gets here I will miss out :(

Thing are going good with my Photography business and I am hoping it continues whether we leave soon or not.. I have so much going on it's crazy but I love it :) I am always busy and that's good :) I am having a bit of a slow week this week which is nice considering the past few weeks have been so busy it's not even funny lol I have been participating in this 20 week Photography Challenge and it's been so much fun :)

I know things are in God's hands and will happen as he wants them too it just worries me not knowing anything.. Anyways I just wanted to do a little update cause it's been a while :) I hope everyone has an Awesome week!!

Sickness/ Working with ADHD

Well it's been a while since I blogged.. The girls and I have been sick for about a week now :( Ailynne has a double ear infection AGAIN!!! I got her a referral to see an ENT off base to hopefully get her tubes.. Ekko and I have colds :( My best friends right now are peppermints, motrin and theraflu LOL I am slowly feeling better but still coughing and sneezing a lot :( Ekko doesn't act like she's sick so I don't think her cold is that bad..

Things with my photography are going good :) I have 3 Boudoir Sessions this weekend!! I am going to be one busy lady :) I have been doing a lot of 50% off drawings to help get my business booming again, you have to give a little to get a little.. You know it's hard to get better at what you do without having any clients and this way it helps me out and plus my wonderful fans get to have great photos for a cheap price :) I have even considered dropping my prices down again.. I have even considered dropping the prices really low and turning my business into a hobby so that I can get a lot more people interested in having their photos done by me.. I am not sure what to do anymore but I am not giving up but I may take a backseat in a sense on having an actual business.. It's ok it's not that I am giving up but I also can't keep going on with barely having any sessions either :( I  love everyone who is loyal to me as a client and hope they continue to be :)

On another note, Ekko and school.... Well it's hit and miss with her in Preschool. There are more good days than bad but still not enough for her to be able to focus in Kindergarten, so I am in the process of getting her into the Early Childhood Special Education Program at the Elementary School on base :) They specialize in children with ADHD and other disabilities to help prepare them for Kindergarten and on... I am also in the process of getting her more meds to help cause they do help a lot when she's in preschool, they help her be able to stay calm and focus :) I will do whatever it takes to help my daughter blossom in school and be able to help her be great :)

Other than all of that not much new is going on here.. I am hoping we all get better really soon!! Well I am off for now. I hope everyone has an awesome day!!

Hard Times/ Trouble Heart and Mind

I write this not to get pity or judgement, but to seek guidance and a clear view of what's to come. We have been having quite a few issues with working with Ekko and her ADHD. She has been revolting more lately and saying things no 5yr should know or should know how to word them. I don't think she understands what she's saying but they are extremely hurtful. There are times I think I went wrong somewhere and somehow it's my fault :( I keep hearing everyone telling me it isn't my fault but at the same time I don't know what else to do. I go to the lord with my troubles and I know he hears me, I just don't know that he can help with this... I am willing to do whatever it takes to get her the help she needs, now if I only knew what she needed... I love her so much and she is my miracle baby, I just want my sweet girl back... I feel so lost..

I will close out for now but I just needed to get that out there.. It helps to blog or journal :) Anyways I hope everyone is doing great :)

Lazy weekends

This weekend is pretty laid back.. I am going to be doing some cleaning once the kids are out of my hair lol I am going to be going through things as I rearrange a few things and getting rid of some things.. I am looking forward to de-cluttering the house a little bit :) Last night I pampered myself a little and might do that again this evening. I have a lot on my mind but it's nothing serious, I will figure it all out, I always do :)

I am supposed to be journaling but I haven't been doing that :( Instead I have been on here putting my thoughts and such lol It's all good though cause I will get back to journaling again :) I have been listening to a lot of swing and 20's - 30's music on Pandora and am loving it :) It's crazy how music has changed so much, it used to be so good and now it's all about sex and bitches lol Anyways i just had some random things I wanted to jot down in a sense.. I am going to get back to planning on what I am cleaning first lol

Lots of new things to look forward to :)

This mommy is pretty excited :) I have several sessions coming up and possibly a big job coming up :) I really hope I get this big session it would really help out :) I am starting to do more discounts on sessions to build up more albums for more clients and I hope that helps kick off my business again :) I am looking forward to using my kiddos and friends to try out my new equipment :) This 15th payday I will be getting my backdrop stand, clamps, lighting kit and light reflective discs for outdoor sessions!! And then after our trip to Idaho this summer I will be saving up to buy more props and backdrops!! I am determined more than ever to keep working hard on my photography and my skills :) I LOVE my job and want to improve upon it :) I know I will never be one of the GREATS but that doesn't mean I can't be great at what I do!!

Ekko will be starting Kindergarten this year!! I can't believe it, it seems like just yesterday she was walking and talking!! She is so incredibly smart :) I know this is going to be a struggle for a while though because she has ADHD and it's difficult to work with her :( She can't sit stil for more than a few minutes, doesn't focus and her mind is all over the place but between her therapist who specializes in kids and adults with ADHD and her PEDS doc I am hoping we can get her a medication and way to get her to focus :) I don't like the idea of meds cause I was put on them as a child, I had ADHD but I am hoping that they have a medication that doesn't turn her into a vegetable.. I want her to be able to still be herself, just more focus and calm..

Ailynne is learning and expanding her vocabulary everyday :) She is so smart, has a great personality that people love and is so silly :) She's getting bigger and bigger and keeps secretly deciding to hit growth spurts lol She has at least 2 teeth coming in and her hair just keeps getting more and more curlies :) I hope she doesn't lose her curls!! She has been in a toddler bed for a while and within the next few months will be starting to work with her on potty training!! I really hope she's easier to potty train than Ekko was.. Both of my girls amaze me and drive me crazy at the same time lol but hey at least I now they will both be social butterflies :)

Well on top of all my photography plans I have coming up, I am getting my hair done on the 6th :) I am going to have some colors added, bangs and possibly switch up my current style a bit!! With taxes we will have our jeep paid off, which that extra money is going to be saved up for our Idaho trip.. We will also be putting a big chunk on a bill :) This coming years taxes I will be filing because I am determined to make enough money to be able to file!! I will also be getting a business license soon!! I will be making everything legal and official!!

Well that's all for now :) So I will let everyone go and hope you all have an amazing weekend!! TTFN

Random but nevertheless and Update

So just some completely random thoughts so work with me here lol First off we have a new addition to our family, Soda :) he's about 7weeks old now, black short hair kitten :) It was a little rough at first with him and Mew.. Mew wanted nothing to do with him at first, he would hiss at him and bolt anytime Soda got near him, but now Mew and Soda are thick as thieves ;P Boys will be Boys lol They love on each other, play with each other and fight with each other :)

Ailynne is growing up so fast :) She's getting bigger and bigger everyday.. Ekko is doing ok... She does great with writing her letters and we're slowly working on her numbers :) She is so smart but she can't focus or listen to what she's told to do and it's very frustrating when I have no control over her to help her to listen and focus :( There are times I don't know what to do :( She is seeing a therapist that specializes with kids who have ADHD, ADD, ODD and so on and so forth, so I hoping in time we can get it all figured out..

John and I are doing great as usual lol I have gained a lot of weight and it makes no sense how I gained all of it :( There are times I second guess myself as a Mother and think, " What am I doing wrong?? " " Why does everyone have to make me feel like I can't do anything right my kids because I don't d things the way they do them with their kids" I don't know why I let it get to me but if you felt as if you were being attacked you would feel the same way :( And it sucks!! I know that if I leave it in God's hands that it will all work out for the best and that I need to be patient.. there are times when I just know how to do that :(

Sorry for all that but I just don't know what to do anymore about almost anything, and I hate feeling helpless :(

We are nothing without the Grace of God

New Year, New Memories, New Beginnings

Ended the year with good friends and good food... Started the New Year with a kiss from my amazing husband!!! I have decided that even though I was too damn lazy to do anything about my fat arse that this year I WILL LOSE 60LBS!!!!! I am also going to do my best to become a better wife, mother and Christian!!! I want things in my life to change, for the better of course :) I am hoping that my Photography Business picks up again.. I know that things will happen for me as God wants them to but still you know what I mean..

I am going to Blog more, I have started Journaling and reading Devotions :) I want to work more with Ekko on getting her to understand things to where she will actually do what she's told before she starts school... I am also looking forward to rebuilding friendships that didn't end well last year that are slowly coming back together again :)

Also would like to announce that one of my Besties is Pregnant!!!! Baby #2 should be making their appearance late august early September.. We will know more soon as far as a due date goes :) Well that's it for now.. I hope everyone had an awesome New Years Eve!!!