Sometimes I wonder...

Why is it that some of our families insist that we must come see them but they don't have to come see us?? Or why is it that we can visit certain family but not them?? Maybe because they are deathly ill or they come to see us as well.. Ever feel like your family doesn't really care about you unless it benefits them?? I do sometimes.. One of the issues I face is that some family doesn't want anything to do with us unless it benefits then because of another family member we associate with.. It is so sad and breaks my heart that they are so bitter, controlling and vindictive.. I wish we could all just put the past behind us and come together again as one family, although that will NEVER happen :( I do know that things need to change but not just on our end, family needs to change too!! But they won't for fear they might be disowned by others :( I am starting to be okay and accepting that things most likely will not change and that we might not see some family again for a long time, it's not right or fair but there's only so much you can do on your end, they need to meet halfway and compromise!!.

Things haven't really been going on around here. Pretty much same old same old.. The girls are doing great!! Hubby put in for BOP!! It could be 4-6mons before we hear something but hey at least there is hope of moving soon :) Some not so great news but nothing to worry about just yet is, I have been having a lot of pain in my right breast the past few weeks.. Docs on base can't figure it out so I will be getting a breast US and mammogram on tuesday.. Yes breast cancer runs in the family and no that doesn't mean I have it but it's a thought that has crossed my mind.. I am hoping to hear good news and they figure out what's wrong soon!! Good news, I will be able to get my TL reversed and have it covered by our medical insurance!! It won't be for several months as I have tests to get done and lose some weight first.. No this does not mean we are going to try for another baby!! I have been pregnant once since having my TL done and would rather have the TR done so if it happens again which it probably won't with my infertility but if it does there are less risks involved for baby and I.. We are not going to actively try again for another little one, we are just going to let things happen as God sees fit for us..

Anyways, that's pretty much it for now. Not a whole lot to update on but it's something for now :) Just keep our families in your thoughts and prayers in general please.. Hope everyone has a blessed weekend and week!!

When life throws you a curve ball

There is something to be said about telling someone how much you love them and how much they mean to you before it's too late. When telling your parents that you don't get to see much due to the military life, how grateful you are to be their child. When having to miss out on a lot in your family due to your career.

One day you wake up and it all falls apart. People get sick and they die, it's the laws of nature. Wen you have to watch your husband and his family do everything they can to hold themselves together. As some of you may know my mother in law has CJD or Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, she has been fighting for her life for 4yrs now. It's been hard on his whole family, blood and not blood. She's barely hanging on but she's hanging on, she is a fighter.

Recently we found out that my father in law has an inoperable brain tumor. It's rapidly growing and he only has weeks to live. He is an amazing father and man. How does this happen to such good people?? How does this seem fair?? It's taking everything in me to stay strong for my husband, who is barely hanging on by a thread.

Nothing can prepare you for these situations. My heart goes out to my husband and his family, who are all fighting to keep it together through these incredibly hard times. If I knew we could do it, I would tell him to get out of the military and let's go home to his family who needs him. But, we can't.

So the next time you sit there and think well I'll see my family next year, or the year after that, just remember that every moment counts. Every minute counts. And if it is at all possible for you to see your family, whether in person, on Skype or FaceTime. Do it!! Tell them every chance you get how much you love them and how lucky you are to be their kid. Don't miss anything if you can help it. Cause you never know when something devastating will hit someone in your family and you missed that chance to say, I love you.

I'm sorry I have nothing happy to report right now. I just wanted to get this weight off of me. I am by no means looking for pity. Just love, support, prayers and understanding.

Life is surreal

I'm sorry it's been so long since I have done a blog.. There has been many things going on in our lives lately.. First my baby girl Ailynne Rose turned 2 September 9th!! I can't believe she is already 2! My other baby girl Ekko Danielle is turning 6 October 24th!! Ekko is doing so good in Kindergarten and that makes this mommy very happy. There are certain areas she is exactly where she is supposed to be but there are a lot of areas she is where they want her to be by then end of Kindergarten.. Math being on of the areas she is excelling in, she gets it from her daddy :) Her teacher did nothing but Dote on her at the Parent Teacher Conference :) Ekko loves school and her teacher, she will throw a fit on the weekend cause she  can't go to school then lol

I recently got back on my anxiety meds and they did a depression/anxiety assessment before I started them and scored a 9 and now that I am back up to my higher dosage I am scoring a 0!! I feel good 98% of the time.. the other 2% is being tired lol They also did a spectrometer test for my asthma to see if any of those meds needed adjusting and my lung age is 27 which is how old I am lol My tech said that's crap and was laughing, I had asked her what and she said the she is a nonsmoker and nondrinker and exercises but her lung age is 54.. Here I am with exertional asthma, a smoker and drinker and my lung age is 27.. I am pretty sure the Tech was younger than me..

This year has been pretty hard with the hubs losing a stripe cause of PT but we have somehow made it through.. I am worried about Christmas for the girls cause we can't afford any layaways or anything like that but I know we will figure it out. We always do :) We are also surprising the girls with a puppy!! They loves dogs and I think it will be good for them, good thing I am a SAHM or house training might be a nightmare lol I am taking the girls with me to go to wally world to get what we need for the puppy and then to go get him and by the time we get home my dad will be here for Ekko's Birthday.. Sshh she doesn't know about the puppy or my dad coming down and she is going to have an awesome weekend!!

Anywho I am going to close out for now. Just figured I would do a little update :) I hope everyone has an awesome rest of the week and weekend!!

Getting back into the swing of things

Well my girls went to Texas to spend 2 weeks with family and they all had a blast :) John and I had a lot of much needed "us" time. While they were away I was working out and I still am. I have only lost 12lbs total but have lost 22-24in total in my mid section :) I am loving my results.. Even if I don't lose a lot of weight as long as I burn fat and gain muscle I am fine with that :) I weigh 202lbs but look like I weigh 170lbs and that works for me lol

Since the girls have been back things have been a little rocky but not too much.. Both girls sleep in the same room now and the other room is a play room and has all of their toys in it :) I put Ailynne down first and then about 30mins or so later put Ekko down and so far it has worked beautifully :) Every night before bed the girls clean up the toy room and their room :) I started a chore chart and I have been slightly slacking on my chores but John and the girls have been doing theirs.. I am trying to gt better about mine but by the time I get Ekko in bed I just want to relax lol Having the girls back after 2 weeks has really thrown me off but I will get back into the swing of things and everything will be back to normal :)

Well that's all for now. I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and an awesome weekend!!

I feel Blessed and Accomplished!

So things have been going good here at the Ballard House :)

I have started writing a book. A Vampire Romance. I am so proud of myself, the last time I tried to write a book was 7yrs ago and never got past the second chapter. Here I am in the middle of Chapter 8 and loving it!! My hubs is very supportive of me wanting to do this and I have some pretty awesome friends in my cheering section too :) I can't wait till it's finished so that I can share it! If all goes the way I plan there will be more in the Series but each book with a different supernatural being. The hubs says he doesn't mind me being his sugar mama HAHA I think he secretly hopes I can get it published ;P I do too!!

Any who that's it for now :) I hope everyone has a safe and awesome 4th of July!!

Some Randomness

Ailynne's ENT Surgery went well :) She slept a lot the next couple of days but seems to be back to normal.. Her doc says if she talks a lot now in the next week or so it really start to pick up now that she can hear so much better :) I can't wait to hear what she has been hiding from me..

Ekko got Strep just before Ailynne went in for her Surgery but thankfully Ailynne didn't get it and that we caught Ekko's in enough time so we could get her antibiotics :) Ekko is doing much better now and seems pretty much back to her old self, except she still has a nasty cough so when I get her follow up appt I can ask about it then..

I have Bronchitis, surprise surprise lol I tried to make an appt but because of my acute asthma they made me go to the ER.. How dumb was that?!?! Oh well I was in an out within 30mins lol The doc agreed with me too but hey it's all good :) I have lost 11lbs so far :D 64lbs to go to my ultimate weight goal and I can't wait to reach it :)

The girls will be going to Texas for 2wks to spend some time with their Aunt Cassie, which is good for everyone :) They need to see some of their family, plus it will give the hubs and I a much needed break.. We don't really get to go do anything much anymore cause no one can ever watch the girls, which sucks yes but it's ok cause this 2wks will make up for so much of that :) John will be taking the week before they leave and the first week their gone off :) While the girls are gone I WILL be at the gym everyday :) I am determined to lose weight and will have EVERY opportunity to do it :)

I have so many things I want to get done around here.. Both girls will have their beds in Ekko's room and Ailynne's room will become the toy room :) I got an amazing deal for a toddler bed for Ailynne so we can break down the crib and use it for fire wood HAHA I just have a few things to get to actually decorate their room with and can't wait!!! I will also be able to get the carpets cleaned, go through toys and clothes for things they have out grown :) With any luck I can decorate their room for under $40..

I recently finally got my living room decorated, which I am not done but will soon :) I decorated our living room for under $30 which is awesome considering everything I got :) I got an area rug, 3 sets of curtains, a wall hanging and a couple of small shelves.. I would say I did pretty good but that's just me lol I also want to at some point cover my bar stools so they are comfy to sit on ;P

I want to put together a website for my photography but am no good at it lol I am not really getting any business right now and could really use it.. I got some more business cards ordered and want to set up a blog as well which don't ask why but I forgot how to do that HAHA I know I am special ;P I will get it all figured out so no worries :)

We have some plans for the 4th and the weekend before the 4th and can't wait!!! I also am in the process of starting John's Birthday Shopping and I really hope he likes everything :)

Anywho, that's pretty much it for now :) I hope everyone has an amazing weekend and 4th of July!!! Stay safe and keep cool in this heat advisory :)

Good news and exciting news :)

Well Ailynne had her ENT appt today.. She does have to get tubes in her ears and her surgery for that is Tuesday, she had her Pre-Op already and her Post-Op will be 3wks after and I will get her custom ear plugs made then too.. I feel bad for her but I can almost guarantee that her speech will improve greatly once she can hear better :) But she is doing good and so smart :) Both my girls are incredibly smart and I love them dearly..

Both girls will be visiting with their Aunt Cassie this summer for 2 weeks, which I am excited and nervous about LOL This will be good cause they get to spend time with Texas Family and it gives us a much needed break :) But I will miss them like mad crazy!! Those are my babies!! John and I will get some alone time which will be nice :) I can guarantee that I will be counting down the days till I get to see them again :) I have already told Aunt Cassie I expect to get a call from my girls twice a day LOL Once at bed time and the other they could choose :) I will be leaving her with an SD card so she can take photos of them having fun for me :)

Ekko's ADHD meds still aren't in :( The clinic is starting to make me very angry :( Hopefully they will get in while they are gone so I have them once they get back :) 

Anyways that's pretty much it for now :)